Judith Stoewe, M.D., child and adolescent psychiatrist with the Alegent Health Psychiatric Associates, and the Alegent Health Center for Mental Health Find out more about Dr. Stoewe

"Playing is the work of childhood," says Dr. Judith Stoewe, M.D., child and adolescent psychiatrist.  "We're running ourselves ragged and it's all based on a fallacy that parents can control and shape their childrens' lives,"  she adds.

"Hyper-parenting" occurs when parents over-manage and over-schedule their child's life in order to raise a super-achiever. It puts an enormous amount of stress-emotional, physical and economic-on the entire family.

Hyper-parenting stems from the belief that parents need to do all these things-the elite soccer team, the ballet school, the extra tutoring-to give their child the best chance to succeed in life. And parents feel enormous guilt if they don't. In fact, the pattern can begin before a child is born. Some expectant parents play Mozart for their developing fetus with the goal of creating a more mathematical and logical thinker.

But hyper-parenting does not produce superstars. Over-scheduled children are never allowed the free time to become more creative and to just enjoy being a child. As a result, the children can burn out in adolescence. They fear that if they do not get into Harvard or Yale or achieve in the way their parents expect they will disappoint their parents and possibly lose their love. Depression can be the result for many. Hyper-parenting also takes a toll on the parent's marriage; the stressed-out adults just don't have the time to be husband and wife.

"We're not allowing children boredom to stimulate creativity," says Dr. Stoewe. "Kids need down time to explore and learn."

There is no standard formula for hyper-parenting. Different families can handle different levels of activity. But if you find yourself exhausted, frustrated and frazzled at the end of each day--and already anxious about the next--then you need to take a look at what's going on. Are you feeling stressed because of what you are doing for your children? If so, you may be hyper-parenting.

For questions about hyperparenting or for help, call 717-HOPE, or call toll-free at 1-800-523-7294.